I can't breathe out the right side of my face
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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