Where is the hickey?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
