Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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