i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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