She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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