once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
