Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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