I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
