rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
