3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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