I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
