so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
