walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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