I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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