after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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