Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize