Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
