Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
