ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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