If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
