Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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