How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize