yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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