You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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