Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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