You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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