Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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