I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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