You're completely useless in the revolution.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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