She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
