I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
