Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
