Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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