I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
