38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
