giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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