Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
