Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
