His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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