Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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