I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
