I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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