Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
