Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
