she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
