ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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