well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
