Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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