Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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