I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
