Please don't use social media to get back at me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
