Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Randomize
