please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
