only if we run a train.
done.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
