Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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