So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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