curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
