Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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