zippers are such a cool invention
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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