its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
