I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
