So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
