mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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