New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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