The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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