my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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