this beer tastes like vomit already
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
