apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
