mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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