He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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