Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
