I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
