I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize