no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
FUCK WHALES
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize