he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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