He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
