When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
